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BEST NUDE SCENES of 2006:
Balloting is finished
SHORTBUS (2006):
For those of us who love screen nudity, our Holy Grail is a
great movie with great nudity. It's never really happened. There are been great
movies, and there has been great nudity, but the two have never gone hand in
hand. The best we can hope for is generally a pretty good movie with excellent
nudity. But movies with spectacular nudity, like 9 Songs, are just never great
movies, and the truly great movies like The Godfather never seem to have more
than just a little nudity, if any. Why hasn't our Grail been found? Well, part
of the problem, maybe all of the problem, is that real-time sex simply screws up
a movie's pacing. Story-telling is all about forward progress and pacing, and a
script writer has about 90 minutes to grab our attention and spin his yarn. It
is simply not possible to show several real-time sex scenes, taking several
minutes each, in a 90-minute drama. Basically, in terms of storytelling, the sex
scenes are just long stretches when nothing happens. That is the problem with
The Lover, for example, a magnificently photographed film - a genuine work of
art - which has some damned good sex scenes. It's only a great movie when the
sex isn't happening. And it only has great nudity in the boring part of the
film. It has the core of great nudity and great filmmaking, but they never come
together. I suppose the the two films which best integrate substantial
nudity into the fabric of a pretty good film are Basic Instinct and Sirens.
Shortbus comes, very, very close to what we have been
seeking. It is a wise and honest ensemble dramedy about modern relationships. I
don't even like that kind of movie in general, but I liked this one. The music
is good. The jokes are good - I laughed out loud a couple of times. The drama
works - I was emotionally invested in the story, and profoundly moved a few
times. The characters, even the quirkiest ones, are human and believable, and I
was rooting for them. The film is technically excellent, and marvelously
inventive, with more than a touch of magic.
The sex is explicit, and doesn't go on too long to slow the story down. In fact,
the sex scenes are all interesting to watch for some reason or another, because
the characters are communicating in some way which is integral to the story or
at least to maintaining a high level of energy and entertainment.
"So," you are wondering, "why is the film only 'close' to our
goal?"
I think Shortbus very well could have been our Holy Grail if
the storylines had been split into two separate movies, one for the straight
audience, one for the gay. It would have been a simple matter. There are
basically two complete storylines. On the one hand there is a woman who has
never had an orgasm. This is particularly ironic, since she's a sex therapist.
Her euphemism for her condition is that she is "pre-orgasmic," but nobody knows
what the hell that means. One guy hears her use the term, then asks, "Does that
mean you're just about to have one?", and steps back to give her some additional
room! Half of the movie is about her quest for the big O. The other storyline is
about a monogamous homosexual couple which has come to a crisis in the
relationship because one of the partners is profoundly depressed. The two men
look for answers - and their search includes a consultation with a relationship
therapist - which brings us back to the other story.
As it stands, the film is ... er ... polymorphous. Is that
the word I'm looking for? The sexual activities take every shape possible. There
are guys having daisy chains with other guys. There is masturbation by both
sexes. There is heterosexual sex. There's even a guy who can blow himself - and
swallows! In all honesty, this is not what I want to watch. Homosexual sex
doesn't repulse me. But it doesn't interest me either, so when the guys were
getting it on, there wasn't anything on screen that I was interested in. Let's
face it, I don't have any interest in watching some naked guys lickin' and
suckin' away and jackin' each other's beanstalks.
So the film came close to ringing the carnival bell but ultimately won no cigar.
Be that as it may, Shortbus is still a good movie, close to a
great one. I think I can say I would have loved the film if all the
relationships had been hetero and the sex scenes had all involved at least one
woman. That's the upside, and I've told you the downside, so I recommend the
film for anyone who is not scared off by my description. I have a feeling that's
a pretty small audience, which is something of a shame.
We've already had the film clips here a couple of times, and
the darker scenes will have to wait for a commercial DVD, but here are captures
of the scenes with Sook-Yin Lee.
BROTHERHOOD (2006 TV):
As I was assembling the film clips for the annual Top Twenty
list, I realized that we had only one good clip of
Annabeth Gish, and no good captures, so I did my best to remedy the
situation. Here is a zipped
.wmv from the first three episodes of Brotherhood, and here are some
captures (Very difficult scenes to work with. Not only dark, but with colored
filters as well. But I did what I could.)
OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.
MOVIE REVIEWS:
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
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Bobby Deerfield (1977)
Al Pacino plays the top Formula One driver on the European circuit
and Marthe Keller is the dying woman he falls in love with. As the
film opens, Pacino's teammate dies in a crash, and he is determined to
find out why before he races his car again. He decides to drive to the
clinic where a survivor of the crash is recovering from a broken neck,
to see if he can learn more about what caused it. It is there that he
meets Marthe. He is vulnerable to her charms because he's clearly not
getting along with his current significant other, who is more
interested in spending his money than making him happy. Thus, when
Marthe hitches a ride out with him the next day, Pacino finds her
perplexing but irresistible. It is only after he learns that she has a
fatal disease that he decides he loves her, and tries to become the
man she wants -- one who enjoys life to its fullest.
Only Sydney Pollack could make a three-hanky weeper out of a
Formula One racing movie. Then again, only Sydney Pollack would have
cast Al Pacino as the driver. (Can he even reach the pedals?) I
thought Pacino was uncomfortable in this role beginning to end, but
never more than the several times he had to sing to Keller. Suffice it
to say that there is no Grammy in his future, and he presents no
threat to the vocal skills of the Rat Pack. In fact, he's not even
ready to compete with the original cast of Star Trek.
Bobby Deerfield is professionally acted, photographed and directed,
but it is only for those who love weepy love stories, and offers
nothing for those who are not addicted to that genre. If dyin' woman
weepers are your thing, you may enjoy this one as well, but I won't be
watching it again anytime soon.
C
IMDb readers say 5.2
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Notes and collages
The Celebrity Showers continue
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Nancy Allen in Dressed to Kill |
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...some women are pleasant to look at/ others are fun to hang out
with: I image Ms. Allen as the latter. She is pretty enough yet I can
envision her in a pool game at a casual bar.
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Neve Campbell in When Will I Be Loved? |
 
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...a cute woman. I'm glad that her career
has continued on after the "Scream" franchise came
to a close...
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"La Estanquera de Vallejas" (2006)
Español
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El comienzo del especial de Eloy de la Iglesia
...
Eloy de la Iglesia (Zarauz, Guipúzcoa, 1 de enero de
1944 - 23 de marzo de 2006 España) era director de cine español con un
estilo muy personal, disidente, transgresor, provocador y lleno de fuerza;
Debutó en 1966 con 'Fantasía… 3' y completó una filmografía de 22
largometrajes. Siempre fue un director y guionista polémico porque
presentaba escenarios y personajes marginales, yonquis que morían por sus
adicciones, delincuentes juveniles…
Durante lo que queda de mes, os iré presentando
capturas de varias de sus películas empezando por La estanquera de
Vallecas. No porque sea su primera película sino porque es en las primeras
películas en las que se desnuda Maribel Verdú.
Sinopsis: Leandro y Tochoentran intentan atracar un
estanco de uno de los barrios madrileños más conocidos: el barrio de
Vallecas. Todo parecía facil, pero la inesperada reacción de la dueña del
estanco, la señora Justa se lo impide. A los asaltantes no les queda mas
remedio que atrancar la puerta del local y tomar como rehenes a la
estanquera y a su sobrina. Despues de un rato largo que llegue la policía
la situación del secuestro cambia por completo, al principio era un
ambiente tenso, pero poco a poco se transforma en un ambiente cordial y,
se podría decir, de amistad entre la pareja de atracadores y las dos
rehenes.
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English
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The beginning of a special new series on the films of Eloy de
la Iglesia
Eloy Iglesia (b. Zarauz, Guipúzcoa, January 1, 1944 - d.
Spain, March 23, 2006) was a Spanish director with a distinctive personal style
which was rebellious, iconoclastic, transgressive, provocative and forceful. He
debuted in 1966 with “Fantasy… 3” and his complete filmography includes 22
full-length theatrical films. He always courted controversy, both as a director
and as a scriptwriter, because he concentrated on the people in the
margins of society, like unreconstructed young delinquents, or junkies who die
of their addictions. This month, I will be presenting captures of several of his
films, starting with La Estanquera de Vallecas, not because it is his first
film, but because it is the first film in which Maribel Verdú undresses!
Synopsis: Two small-time hoodlums try to rob a tobacconist in
Vallecas, one of the most famous districts in Madrid. The shop had seemed like
an easy mark to them, but the little old lady who runs the business simply
refuses to hand over the money, and a situation develops. Eventually the police
arrive and lay siege to the shop, and the crooks have no choice but to lock the
door and make the people inside their hostages. At this point the tone of the
film changes completely. At the onset of the robbery, the situation in the shop
was tense and antagonistic, but as the story unfolds, the atmosphere becomes
cordial and an unlikely friendship forms between the criminals and their
hostages.
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Dann reports on Joyeux Noël:
By the end of 1914, World War I, the bloodiest war ever (at the time),
was in full swing and there was no place bloodier than the Western Front.
Suddenly on Christmas eve, at various places along the front, front-line
officers and troops called an informal truce and met in No Man's Land (the
areas between the trenches) to celebrate Christmas.
This beautifully done 2005 drama, a French production that used
English, French, and German for dialog, tells the story of one such
incident.
It brings out the harsh horrors of war, but also shows men at their
best as the various soldiers interact. Diane Kruger plays a Danish
opera singer who was in Germany at the start of the war performing with
her tenor boyfriend. The boyfriend is German, and is called to the front
to fight. She persuades a high-ranking German officer to allow her to go
to the front to see her boyfriend and perform for the troops. The two
singers turn it into a concert for ALL the troops.
This is a poignant and magnificently done movie that, I suspect, will
someday be considered a Christmas classic.
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Diane Kruger |
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Ah, the classics! A former "best nude
scene,"
Katie Holmes in The Gift
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Nasty Kinski in To the Devil, A Daughter
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Virginie Ledoyen in The Beach. She might have become an A-lister
if this DiCaprio movie had been any good, but it wasn't and she isn't.
Very few French female stars become box office draws in the United
States. Juliette Binoche probably came the closest with The English
Patient and Chocolat.
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Pat's comments in yellow...
The Wall Street Journal reports that talent agents are getting up to $200 an
hour for "Bad Santas." Many party hosts want to hire rude Santas who sing dirty
songs, tell R-rated jokes, insult the guests and hit on the women. One Santa
said he was hired for a Denver country club soiree for 85 women where he was
expected to sit on their laps and tell them what he wanted for Christmas.
* And you thought KIDS were excited at the idea of Santa
coming down their chimneys.
* That kind of Santa ignores the good girls and rewards the naughty ones.
Jon Gettman, the former head of the pro-marijuana group NORML, released a report
claiming that U.S. growers produce nearly $35 billion worth of pot annually.
That makes it America's largest cash crop, bigger than corn and wheat combined.
* He would've gone on, but the thought of corn and wheat
combined made him really hungry.
* That figure, like Mr. Gettman, seems a little high.
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