Honte's site is updated.

I don't know why they say Dubya is so dumb. He made a move this week that was so slick it was worthy of Nixon. In a gesture of reconciliation, he offered a cabinet post to a Democrat. Oh, by the way, it was a democratic member in the U.S. Senate. If the guy takes the job, his seat would be filled by a nomination from the Republican governor of that state. And, by the way, the Senate is deadlocked 50-50.

To be completely fair, it is currently effectively 51-50 Democrat, and will be 51-50 Republican in a few weeks, since the V.P. casts the tie-breaking vote. Nonetheless, knocking out a dem senator is still a brilliant strategy!

Today's stuff: two GREAT new releases for nudity (follow links to my detailed comments) Road Trip and The Cell.

Road Trip is a college market comedy, which might be fairly called the Animal House of the new milennium. Pretty funny, and a truly odd performance from the Canadian wacko, Tom Green, although it's not that odd by his own high standards. Let's just say he could easily walk through the Bizarro world without being noticed.

The Cell is a visual stunner which can best be described as Silence of the Lambs meets Hellraiser. Not for those with weak stomachs, but a helluva powerful movie. hint: don't watch it with young kids, unless they are the Antichrist. The pictures of Jennifer Lopez include no nudity, but a see-through with no apparent nipples, and a look at her magnificent large butt hanging out of panties.

THE CELL

Catherine Sutherland ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 )

Jennifer Lopez (no nudity at all in #4) ( 1, 2, 3, 4 )

Glenda Chism

other ( 1, 2)

ROAD TRIP

Amy Smart ( 1, 2, 3, 4, )

Two women named Erica D'Amaro and Bridgett Wise

Many other naked chicks ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

A Funhouse reader suggested a film alternately called "Hell Mountain," "Chained Heat 3," "Chained Heat 3: Hell Mountain," "Chained Heat 3: The Horror of Hell Mountain," and "Chained Heat 3: Assault on Hell Mountain." Hard to imagine how a film that nobody has seen got so many names. I was a little dubious based on the IMDB readers rating of 4.0/10 'til I realized that there were only 10 votes. The comments basically call it a boring nudie film. I felt better about it. When we add the soft-core fudge factor, that brings it up to 6.5/10. My next stop before ordering was CNDB, where I learned that there are two versions. In the UK version, Nicole Nieth shows public hair in a love scene near the beginning, while the region 1 version was censored, probably to avoid an NC-17. In the UK version, a scene where a bare from the waist up Kate Rodger is flogged, and a lesbian scene were cut, but not in the American version. None of the reviewers mentioned the ton of nudity from young Czech actresses (this was a joint Canadian Czech film).

I am coming to understand something of how the MPAA thinks. As near as I can tell, women having sex with women is R. Women being raped or killed is R. Women intentionally having heterosexual sex is R, unless they move their hips, in which case it is NC-17. It seems to be the idea that women move their hips during sex that offends the MPAA people. Examples include Eyes Wide Shut (The sex was too energetic), An Officer and a Gentleman (You can't show her hips moving like that), and this film, where they had to cut the part that showed her hips moving. I can't imagine why the UK version was cut the way it was, however.

The film is set in a post-apocalyptic world where the ruling class, headed by a severely ill and deformed genius who remembers the "old knowledge" (how to use a laptop). He runs hell mountain, which is a mine. He conscripts local village girls to work the mine and entertain his wife. One of the girls has a lover who swears to break her out and get even for what they did to her. Post-apocalyptic means that any object or setting you can beg borrow or steal is appropriate, which helps budgets. Other than that, the plot was just an excuse to show lots of breasts. On the off chance some of you are interested in breasts, I produced a few million images, some of which have full frontal. If any of you can identify any of the unknowns, please let me know (tuna@scoopy.com).

Hundreds of outraged parents grabbed their kids and stalked out of the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles when singer K-Ci (aka Cedric Hailey, 31) of the pop group K-Ci & Jo Jo allegedly unzipped his pants and exposed himself onstage. The crowd was mostly teenage girls, one of whom called it "totally gross." Police are investigating. He was reportedly upset at having to open the show, which also featured Christina A, 98 Degrees and Stevie Wonder.

An army of paparazzi is gearing up to crash Madonna's wedding Friday at Scotland's Skilbo Castle, and she's amassed her own army to stop them. She has a team of security people, led by an ex-military man, coordinating with private backup guards from Scotland and local police. Employees must have photo IDs, delivery vans must unload at the gate and not enter the grounds, powerful floodlights at the gate will deter gatecrashers, and heat-seeking thermal imaging equipment will scour the estate for any trespassers. Too bad Bush won. She would have been Al Gore's Secretary of Defense.