Trois 2: Pandora's Box (2001) is not really a sequel to Trois, and is, for me, a much better film. At the start of the film, Chrystale Wilson is having sex with her husband in the shower, when someone breaks in and knifes him to death, and beats her unconscious. When the police try to take her in for questioning, she grabs one of their guns, and the police shrink, Monica Calhoun, is called in to break the standoff. Once she wins Wilson's trust and disarms her, the other cops are not at all gentle in taking her into custody.

Cut to several months later. Calhoun has quit the force, and is in private practice. Wilson is being released, and has chosen her for a shrink. Wilson is in a loveless marriage with a husband she suspects of cheating on her, and is rather repressed. This makes it easy for Wilson to corrupt her into trying a private sex club called Pandora's Box, where she starts seeing Michael Jai White, who gives her the best sex of her life, and all the attention her husband doesn't. OF course, everything is not as it seems, and nobodies motives are pure and honest.

IMDB readers have this at 5.2 of 10, which is probably a little harsh, as I thought it was a decent erotic thriller. We had breast exposure from both Calhoun and Wilson, and both were seen in very passionate, if not very explicit sex scenes. This is basically a black production of a fairly typical low budget erotic thriller, but is watchable, and I cared for the Calhoun character. It is now on video after a very limited theatrical release. The proper score is C, as a watchable genre effort, with a cast that is black, but a story that is universal.

Junior got back a day early, and I did me some serious catchin' up.

Movies:

I sometimes get an eerie feeling when I see second generation actresses. Natasha Gregson Wagner, for example, from certain angles and in certain lights, can look exactly like her mother, and the effect is like watching a ghost momentarily. The same is true of Charlotte Gainsbourg, although there is no ghost involved, since her mom (Jane Birkin) is very much alive, only 56 and still working regularly. Natasha's mother should still be with us as well. If Natalie Wood were still alive, she would be only 64. Anyway, all of this is merely a lead-in to pictures from My Wife is an Actress

• Charlotte Gainsbourg (1, 2, 3)

Our occasional movie critic , Mick Locke,  looks at The Two Towers. The Two Towers introduces us to a new character, Treebeard the Ent. Tree would have come personally, but he was blacklisted by HUAC, the House Un-Aragornian Activities Committee, and so they sent the Tree beard instead. But it's really Tree's words that he is speaking. Being an Ent means, besides never having to say you're Saruman, that his father is a tree and his mother is human. It's hard to imagine any kind of woman who would want a tree for a lover, but that is explained in the film. According to Tolkein lore, Treebeard is the oldest being in Middle Earth, except for his own mom, Joan Collins.  In his long career he has also acted as a beard for Jack Black and Elijah Blue, being then known as Blackbeard, and ... um ... Allmanbeard. Those weren't speaking roles. Frankly, there aren't that many speaking parts for large wooden beings. His only previous lines came when he played a talking tree on H&R Pufnstuf, and as McGarrett on Hawaii 5-0.

Éowyn (Miranda Otto) didn't get naked in this movie, but she's done it plenty of times before. Her best nudity was in The Nostradamus Kid.

• thumbnails (not in chronological order)
• Emma's War (1986, age 19, buns, maybe a nipple) (1, 2)
• The Nostradamus Kid (1993, age 26, breasts and buns)
• Love Serenade (1996, age 29, breasts) (1,2)
• In the Winter Dark (1998, age 31, naked, but only breasts are seen clearly) (1, 2)
• Human Nature (2001, age 34, see through panties)

Chicks:

More from the new shock-jock issue of Celebrity Sleuth. What can you say? The two women who started the whole wrestling vixen thing can now be found at www.wrestlingvixxxens.com, along with some fellow vixens

• Sunny (Tammy Lynn Sytch) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
• Missy Hyatt (Melissa Hiatt) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Mailbox:

Scoop:

If you have any Japanese Fun House members, perhaps you could ask if any could locate the photo book that was published on Corina Ungureanu, Claudia Presecan and Lavinia Milosovici last month. Surely they could find a copy. I was in Tokyo last year at this time and found a copy of the Corina nude photo book at a huge bookstore near the downtown Hyatt hotel. I'm sure that many such bookstores in town would have the book on the trio. Perhaps any Fun House member from Japan could also keep an eye out for the DVD of them performing gymnastics in the nude. It's such moments that we live for!

Celebrity Sleuth
 

We found out the other day that it is available at amazon.jp, but I had no luck trying to navigate that site.

Other crap:

• Free site with naughty celebrity mini-movies (animated .gif files)
• Somehow we could have guessed that litigation would ensue when a reality TV show included an extreme competition featuring a device called the "Harness of Pain." Details at:  http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/cultureshock1.html
• Now that former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke has been nailed on federal criminal charges, Trent Lott won't be the only guy with the word racist next to his name on today's front pages. So Trent's got that going for him. David Duke docs from Smoking Gun.
• Nothing brings a couple closer together than a romantic $23 million breach of contract lawsuit. Just ask lovebirds Liza Minnelli and David Gest: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/lizagest1.html
• J-Lo cancels Affleck wedding (third item down). Although the wedding was canceled nearly ten minutes ago, she has not yet announced her engagement to anyone else.
• Finally - stupid people have their own website.
• You WANT to know how all those crappy movie end, so you won't have to sit through them? The site for you is www.themoviespoiler.com
• An obscure part of American subculture. 30 years of history of Apartment House Wrestling. There is quite a bit of nudity to be found when you look around the site.
• In China, "The Weakest Link" is called "The Grand Testing Arena for Wealth". Ratings are very high for Chinese TV shows because (1) they have a billion people (2) a half hour after watching one, you are hungry for more entertainment
• Writing for Popular Mechanics, forensic scientists reconstruct what Jesus might have looked like. Turns out he looked just like Bluto from those Popeye cartoons.
• This is not a racist joke, but a real news story: "the arrest Tuesday of a Pakistani couple escorting three infants to the Gulf for use as camel jockeys ... "
• Roger Ebert interviews Martin Scorcese. Here are three Scorcese facts that will probably surprise you:  (1) Scorcese has never had a hit movie -  he maxed out at 60 million, if I remember right, (2) he has never won an Oscar, and (3) n 1977, right after he made "Taxi Driver," he took out a two-page ad in Variety to announce his next production: "Gangs of New York." You read that right. It took him 25 years. It was supposed to come out last Christmas, but Miramax hated it so much they threatened to shelve it forever unless he fixed it. It is back this year, still 168 minutes long.
• The Two Towers does $26 million on a Wednesday! (And it's three hours long, so it has fewer showings than a normal film)
• Naked gymnasts banned from competition. (Nude picture included.) Yeah, that'll hurt them. I'm sure Ungureanu and Milosovici were planning a lot more gymnastic competition. What do they weigh, 250? I hear they also banned Kate Winslet and Kathy Bates from participating in future gymnastics events. The three Romanians are also banned from acting as coaches or judges. (Pretty silly, again - how can you prevent someone from coaching another person? I guess it means they are banned from attending events as a coach.)
• Golden Globe nominations announced. The still unreleased "Chicago" heads the list with 8 nominations, "The Hours" nets seven nods. The most unusual nomination: Donald Kaufmann, a fictional character, was nominated as "best screenwriter"! How could that be? Read my review of that movie for the complicated explanation.

GOLDEN GLOBE major nominations:

Best musical or comedy: "Chicago", "Adaptation", "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," "About a Boy", and "Nicholas Nickleby."

Best dramatic picture: :"The Hours", "About Schmidt," "Gangs of New York," "The Pianist", "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers."

Best director: Spike Jonze for "Adaptation", Daldry for "The Hours", Peter Jackson for "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers," Rob Marshall for "Chicago," Alexander Payne for "About Schmidt", and Scorsese for "Gangs."

Best dramatic actress: Kidman, Streep, Julianne Moore, Salma Hayek (!), Diane Lane. Streep was also nominated as best supporting actress.

Best comedic actress: Zeta-Jones, Zellweger, Hawn, Vardalos (The Greek Wedding chick), and newcomer Maggie Gyllenhaal for "Secretary."

Best dramatic actor:  Nicholson, Daniel Day-Lewis, Michael Caine, Adrien Brody (for "The Pianist"), Leonardo DiCaprio (for "Catch Me If You Can", not for "Gangs of New York")

Best comedic actor: This is my favorite list. It reads like the entrants in a Bill Shatner bad acting competition.  Kieran Culkin for "Igby Goes Down", Cage for "Adaptation", Gere for "Chicago", Hugh Grant for "About a Boy," Adam Sandler for "Punch-Drunk Love"! How did they miss Carrot Top?

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Attached today are a few scans of the Romanian gymnasts who got down to their birthday suits while in Japan. They are Claudia Presecan, Corina Ungureanu and Lavinia Milosovici. All have well-toned bods, Corina is the cutest, Lavinia could sure-enough kick my ass in a stand-up fight and Claudia...well, in an attempt to be kind, I will be obscure...Claudia looks like Buzz McCallister's girlfriend. I've scanned maybe 300 Japanese magazines and books over the years and the one thing that remains consistent is Japanese photographers have a knack for bringing out the beauty in a woman...no matter how little there is... which makes Claudia's pictures really, really scary. All three women do the full-frontal bosa nova.

• Claudia Presecan (1, 2, 3)
• Corina Ungureanu (1, 2, 3)
• Lavinia Milosovici (1, 2, 3)

A few years back a collegiate basketball player figured out he was the worst player in Division 1. His reasoning was impeccable. His school belonged to the Patriot Conference, the worst in NCAA D1. His team had the worst record in the conference and he was the worst player on the team. Erego and towit--he was the worst player.

Similar reasoning leads me to the following: Analice Nicolau is the sexiest nude model photographed in the last decade. Country with the sexiest women on the planet (a matter of taste, I know. But they're my scans so you'll just have to live with it) is... Brazil. Magazine with the sexiest Brazlian women is.... Sexy magazine. If'n you haven't seen it, you are missing something. Sexiest woman to appear in Sexy in the last decade is...Analice Nicolau. Erego and towit.

To buttress my case, with the accent on the first syllable, I send along these, a sample of Analice scans.

BTW, she is something of a beauty queen, having competed for the crown of Miss Brazil a few years back.

• Analice Nicolau (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

The second batch of Analice scans. These were published in April of this year. As you can see, she has let herself go, gotten real fat and ugly, yes she has. Now no one but me would have her, I am certain.

• Analice Nicolau (1, 2, 3)

Today another trip back in time to 1972 and a Harry Novak sexploitation flick "Please Don't Eat My Mother" for a look at Alice Fredlund aka Alice Friedland. Alice was a model who exposed everything for us in this skin flick about a plant that eats beautiful woman. Yep, you guessed it Alice winds up as plant food.

• Alice Fredlund (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Then it's back to the present for Christina Applegate and Cameron Diaz in "Sweetest Thing". These fall into my cute category. Applegate shows some very nice cleavage.

• Cameron Diaz (1, 2
• Christina Applegate (1, 2, 3)

Tasha Tilberg

Jessica Miller

I have a friend who writes for David Letterman, and every year, he sends me the "Late Show" Christmas card.  These are always hilarious, but this year, they've outdone themselves.  I had to scan it and share it with you.  The message inside reads,  "It's Been A Special Year. Happy Holidays from your friends at the Late Show."  A glance at the attached picture from the outside of the card will show you just how special it was.

NBC is developing a sitcom about a single mom with three kids by three different men, and the working title is "The Town Slut."  A spokesman said the title would likely change before it goes on the air

...Unless they drop it and FOX picks it up

...Or it might move to the WB and be renamed "TheTown 'Ho"

...They may have to tone it down a little and just call it "The Neighborhood Slut"

... Every actress in Hollywood will be competing for the role of the Town Slut!  But then, they already are.