Nightmare Sisters (1987), known as Sorority Succubus Sisters at IMDB, Concerns three nerd sorority sisters who invite three nerd guys to their house for a party, try a seance with a crystal ball that one of them bought at a flea market, and are turned into a sex starved succubus.

The first third or so has the girls as nerds, fully dressed. Then the succubus possesses them, and they are suddenly beautiful and naked save skimpy panties. There next act is to all three climb into the bath together, fully nude. The guys figure out that the girls are possessed, and find an exorcist in the phone book. This is an indifferent transfer of an obviously low budget horror film. However, the three naked sorority sisters are Linnea Quigley and Brinke Stevens. One of the nerd guys is Richard Gabai in his first film.

The nudity in the film almost entirely has all three women in the same scene, so I decided to use one top and make these group images. Now for the good news. The DVD contained a stills gallery for each of the three women. These are lovely images, and include full frontal for each. I have presented these without additional ornament. IMDB readers have this at 3.0 of 10. The film itself is obviously very low budget, and none of the caste take it all too seriously. Hats off to these three actresses, who permitted filming them looking absolutely terrible as nerds at the start of the film. This is a D+.

I Capture the Castle (2003)

I mentioned some weeks ago that Love Actually was not just a Hugh Grant movie, but was ALL Hugh Grant movies rolled into one. By the same token, I Capture the Castle is not just a film of a juvenile romantic novel. It is a film of all juvenile romance novels. I mean the poster for this sucker should have Fabio shirtless.

Get this plot:

The story is told by an 18 year old girl through her diary, starting with the time when her brilliant author of a father moved the family into a picturesque old English castle. Except for one sister, each of the members of the family is brilliant, and each matches his or her genius with eccentricity. The one sister who is not a genius, is beautiful beyond imagining.

The father is not writing. The mother is not selling her paintings. Since they are eccentric types, not the kind who work as shop clerks, and since they live out in the countryside where there is no meaningful employment anyway, they live a life of genteel poverty, or at least as genteel as is possible without any money in a 600 year old castle.

As it turns out, they rent the castle, and they are about to be evicted when a turn of fate takes control of their landlord's estate from some impersonal bankers to a family of very rich Americans who come to England to check out their newly inherited English assets. The principal new landlords are two very handsome and single young men, who take one look at the poor girls (the diary writer and her too beautiful-for-words sister), and decide that eviction is not in their immediate future.

Oh, yeah. Did I mention that the gardener is the greatest, most humble man in the world, has worked for the family without wages for the past seven years, and is so good looking that he makes Brad Pitt look like Marty Feldman.

From that point on, you can guess how it develops. Three pleasant and handsome young men, two eligible young women. Rich men, poor but beautiful women. All five of them fall in love with one of the others, and of course none of them loves anyone who loves back in return. Also, stepmother and father get involved with some romantic flings of their own.

You have the ingredients there for a really sucky film, what I call a "so" film, because they are usually characterized by excessive use of the emphatic "so" and the even more emphatic "ever so", as in "I do so love horses, Uncle Nigel", or "I do so want him, ever so much".

As you can imagine, I was prepared to throw up a few times during the screening, and I had barf bags handy, but they were never necessary. In fact, it is a pretty good movie. I liked the characters. The script is witty, and even the sappiest parts felt authentic enough that I never felt a break in the dramatic illusion. I just let it flow over me, and it wasn't bad at all.

I suppose most people reading these words are not readers of Romance Novels, but if you do like that kind of material, this one is downright tolerable.

• Tara Fitzgerald (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Rose Byrne
• Romola Garai (1, 2)

Speaking of things that sound like they suck ....

50 First Dates (2004)

I haven't seen this movie or even a screener. It comes out months from now. I made this capture from the trailer.

This is Memento turned around as a comedy. Drew Barrymore has the exact same condition that the guy had in Memento. Every morning, when she wakes up, so has no recollection of what happened the day before or in any part of her recent past. Adam Sandler, therefore, has to have a "first date" with her every time they go out. Rob Schneider is on hand because ... well, frankly, because he needs the work and Sandler takes care of his friends, but I guess the ostensible reason is to provide wacky comedy. The trailer is linked down below in Other Crap.

• Drew Barrymore

MAILBOX:

Dear Scoop:

Just FYI, Emma's sideways nude scene in ANGELS IN AMERICA, the flaming midair sex, was a body double with Emma's head grafted on via CGI.  My source is this article about the special effects in the miniseries:

http://www.theasc.com/magazine/nov03/cover/sidebar2b.html

Thanks for a continually awesome site...

D
 

UPDATES:

• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updates, and Le Gran Charles wishes everyone a Joyeux Noel.
   

OTHER CRAP:

• WhatBoysWant.com - Entertainment For Men. This must be the ultimate treasure-trove of naked chicks. There must be about thousands of pix in here for free, all thumbnailed.
• Pam Anderson is to be a novelist, having just signed a $2 million deal with Simon & Schuster to write two books. Just think of her as Marcel Proust with really big tits.
• Heisman Trophy winner Jason White has been granted an extra year of eligibility by the NCAA. How old is this freakin' guy? If he stays at Oklahoma, he will be able to get his diploma and his golden ager movie discount pass on the same day.
• An embarrassed British woman is facing court action — because her farts are too loud.
• SacriLibs. Create your own Bible stories, ala Mad Libs
• Carry Your Own Bag, Says Caddie. This reminds me of the time my buddy Wheels caddied for Sam Snead. At one point, foul-tempered Snead said "what club is it?" Wheels said. "It's 137 yards to the pin". Snead said, "I didn't ask what distance it was, I asked what club to use." Wheels said "9 iron". Snead hit a perfect nine onto the front fringe, 35 feet short of the pin, and said disagreeably, "I thought you said it was a fucking nine iron." Wheels responded, "I cudda made it with a fucking nine. My mom would have hit an eight." Wheels finished the round, and got stiffed on the tip (He got a shiny box of Titleists - which Snead got for free). If I had been him, I would have told Snead to carry his own fuckin' clubs by about the eighth hole. By the way, this was in the U.S. Fucking Open. (Oak Hill, 1968)
• TIME Magazine picks the ten best movies of 2003. He gave the nod to LOTR, did not mention Mystic River, Lost in Translation, or Monster. The surprise selection: All the Real Girls. Critic Richard Corliss picked Mona Lisa Smile as the WORST film of 2003. I suppose hifalutin' critics like him don't get to see Cuba Gooding movies.
• 2003 Best and Worst: Comix.
• Here is the trailer for Club Dread. Not a good trailer at all. I had high hopes for Broken Lizards, the comedy troupe that did Super Troopers, but this looks mighty lame.
• The trailer for 50 First Dates is now online.
• The trailer for Man On Fire is now on line.
• Funny trailer from Eurotrip. (Includes Michelle Trachtenberg in a bikini).
• 'Lion, Witch, Wardrobe' to Be Shot in New Zealand. All seven books in Chronicles of Narnia slated for filming. Maybe.
• 1st Look at 'THE STEPFORD WIVES' Teaser Trailer
• Seven films nominated for best visual effects Oscar.
• Photoshop Contest - celebs without their make-up and airbrushing.
• Strange, but original concept: the logo graveyard.
• Jennifer Aniston wins "Best Celebrity Hair". And Mary Louise Parker won best celebrity pubic hair. Aniston plans to use her cash award either to buy some really expensive shampoo, or to being peace to the Middle East.
• Magazine Can't Distribute Eminem Tape: "A court ruling has stopped hip-hop magazine The Source from distributing a CD of a previously unreleased recording by rapper Eminem that includes phrases such as 'black girls are dumb.' " Eminem's legal argument is that they can't distribute it because to do so would violate copyright laws. They are still free, of course, to quote from it.
• Top 25 Amusement Parks In North America. Ranked by attendance and percentage of change from last year. Quick quiz: (1) name the highest-ranking park which is neither in the Orlando area nor the LA/Anaheim area. (2) name the highest-ranking amusement park which is neither in Florida nor California. I would have guessed the first one correctly, not the second.
• WWE Superstars Sing, Sing A Song.
• Incredibly cool full screen trailer for SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW (Stars Jolie, Law, Paltrow)
• Your dog wants steak-flavored bottled water.
• Faces. Just faces, but a lot of gorgeous women.
• Ayleen is a very flexible woman. And I'm not talking about her opinions.
• Kentucky residents missing the most teeth.
• Customer gets bag of cash instead of bagel at McD's.
• Alf gets his own talk show. The adorable piece of felt will invite Mike Piazza as his first guest, to discuss long-distance phone plans, and NOT being gay.
• Freedom Tower to rise 1,776 feet from ashes of WTC.
• Great concept - Hockey Toughman contest. They like to brawl? Let's see what they really have.
• Internet Explorer Address Bar Spoofing Test. This is a demonstration why you need the link below. Step 1 - move your cursor over this link. Your status bar (bottom of page) will say http://www.microsoft.com! STEP 2: - click on the link. You will go to Uncle Scoopy's Fun House, but your URL window (top of page) will tell you that you are at www.microsoft.com!
• Open source firm issues patch for Internet Explorer URL Spoofing Vulnerability.
• First stills gallery from Van Helsing.
• 'Speed dating' and 'espresso sex' enter the language.
• Russian Idol. An oldie, but a goodie. It's like a Yakov Smirnoff joke. In the Russian version of Idol, 50 prisoners compete in singing and dancing, and the winner gets freedom.
• The offbeat news challenge of 2003.
• Latvian sets record - most drunk man in the world - ever
• The top 21 things NOT to do while watching the LOTR.
• Swiss, Swedish, Danish or Dutch? Can you tell the difference?
• Scientists make it official - chicks love porn.
• English strip club bosses are offering complimentary lap dances to weary Santas. Oh, that Santa, always somebody on his lap, even when he's off duty. In other news, Russell Crowe was seen frantically searching for a last-minute rental of a Santa suit.
• The governor of Connecticut has rejected calls for his resignation over corruption allegations, saying he is in direct contact with God. He also hopes to use this connection to win the Capitol Building office football pool.
• URL says it all: Jellywrestling.com. Lots of free pics on the sample page.
• Will Jacko join the Nation of Islam? His new name will be Jacko X - it's pronounced "jack cocks".
• 300 pound pitcher to dance in The Nutcracker in Oakland.
• Supreme Court to Hear Cheney Energy Dispute: The Supreme Court said Monday it will hear Vice President Dick Cheney's argument for keeping private the details of closed-door "strategy sessions" that produced the administration's energy policy. Cheney's position is that people have no right to know whether those discussions involved simple candid advice or sleazy kickbacks. Gee, I wonder why he holds that position. Let me think ....
• Closed circuit cameras capture ancient ghost. Remind me again of this new learning - why are ghosts visible to video cameras but not to human eyes?
• Police forces in Britain, the US and Australia are setting up websites which claim to contain pornographic photographs of youngsters. Also, the FBI and Interpol will help you extend your penis and get your money out of Nigeria.
• Cher's Bed Scene With Child Actor Freaks Her Out. Imagine the effect it had on him.
• Tiny would-be rapist overwhelmed and humiliated by tough-ass hooker.
• The Going Rate for Porn Stars. You want to be a porn producer? Here's your list of costs.
• The history of Fruity Pebbles Christmas Editions.
• A federal appeals court ruled Friday the recording industry can't force Internet providers to identify subscribers swapping music online.
• Ball From Cubs Playoff Loss Auctioned. The restaurant of the late Harry Caray bought the Bartman ball for $100,000 - and plans to destroy it in a public ceremony.
• Diane Keaton bares all at age 57 in Something's Gotta Give.
• The new high-tech way to replace police sketch artists.
• Can you afford not to own Uranus?
• Priceless!
• Nudity on the fashion runway. Be sure to watch it until the end.
• Weekly World News: "Deposed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein was an avid chess player and relished nothing more than an invigorating game with fellow tyrants, including Libyan leader Muammar Qaddafi -- using live soldiers as pieces!"

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• The Sylvia Plath bio-pic, "Sylvia" starring Gwyneth Paltrow only made about 18 cents at the box office, and already has a DVD release date for February '04. In the meantime, here is Paltrow topless in 'caps from a screener.

• Another look at Diane Keaton fully nude in scenes from the current #1 movie at the box office, "Something's Gotta Give" (2003).

"Cannibal Girls" (1973)
Early Canadian comedy horror and cult classic starring future SCTV comedians Eugene Levy and Andrea Martin.

• Andrea Martin: kind of sexy. That's Eugene Levy in the wolfman hairdo.
• Julie Thilpot: topless as victim. Gets the money shot slasher-style (blood spurted on the face)
• Bonnie Neilson: topless as cannibal girl.
• Mira Pawluk: former child actress topless as cannibal girl.
• Randall Carpenter: future voice actress topless as cannibal girl.
• Lyn Logan: legs and cleavage.

It is very rare that a sequel to a good movie turns out to be as good as the original. It is even rarer that such a movie is better than the original feature. Magnum Force is one of the few (I can count them on my fingers) movies that fits this category. The original film "Dirty Harry" introduces the character of "Dirty Harry Callahan." Once again played by Clint Eastwood. This movie makes him almost real.

This film is an early John Milius screenplay directed by Ted Post. It probably represents the point in Clint Eastwood's career when he becomes a solid superstar.

What makes Magnum Force better than the original film? I believe the answer is the story. In the original film, we meet Harry and see how he shoots his way from scene to scene. The story develops around conflict with his boss while chasing a crazed serial killer. Unfortunately both the killer and the boss are simple "Cardboard Villains."

The sequel is far from this. Instead of the worn out "Conflict with the bad guy boss" story, we have something far more chilling. In this movie Harry is pitted against a group of rogue police officers that are systematically killing off the local mob leaders. This group also includes another bad guy boss (can't get away from it) played by Hal Holbrook, who is trying to keep Harry off of the trail of the rogue officers. When Harry begins to get close he is asked to join the death squad. To reveal any further will spoil the movie for those who haven't seen it.

Also in this movie we see a human side of Harry as he gets picked up on by a lovely Japanese lady named "Sunny." This role is played by Adele Yoshioka. Harry even saves her life by preventing her from opening a mailbox rigged with a bomb.

The movie also includes early performances by Robert Urich, David Soul, Tim Matheson and in an uncredited, pre-fame role, Suzanne Somers.

The DVD version includes some behind the scenes material, as well as the usual trailers. The transfer quality is only mediocre. Fortunately it is priced most places at under $15 so it is a good value.

The move gets 6.6/10 from the IMDb.

Suzanne Somers shows some skin during a pool party given by some mobsters. Adele Yoshioka appears nude in Harry's apartment, but she stays in the shadows and hides her breasts with her hair.

• Suzanne Somers topless

WAR AND POLITICS NEWS ROUND-UP
And #1: The WWE - Diane Sawyer's TV interview with President Bush following Saddam Hussein's capture drew 11.3 million viewers, losing its time slot to Mark Harmon's CBS series "Navy NCIS" (12 million) and Paris Hilton's "The Simple Life" (11.9 million).