Inside Club WIld Side (1998) -- day two. Tonight we have Monique Parent showing everything as the owner of Club Wildside who seduces Joe, gets him to perform on stage, and intends to use him for a male prostitute. Alma Hight as one of the club performers shows everything several times. She does Joe, just for the pure fun of it. Nancy O'Brien also shows everything as Joe's girl back home that dumps him.

This is essentially a retelling of the Club Wildside story, but with a man, not a woman as the hick who comes to the club. It plays out as the standard Hollywood formula, girl gets guy, girl loses guy. girl gets guy back.

IMDB readers have this at 2.9 of 10. While the plot is typical of soft core efforts, the character of Joe was reasonably well developed and performed. There was plenty of nudity and simulated sex, and production values were good. This is a solid C as a soft core.

UPDATES:

• The freakin' Encyclopedia finally hit 50,000 pics. I struggled through some updates until I got there.
• The updates include: Samantha Morton, Meg Ryan, Christina Ricci, Jennifer Connelly, Diane Keaton, Tara Fitzgerald, Gwyneth Paltrow, Anna Friel, Sigourney Weaver.

OTHER CRAP:

• Favre does what his dad would have wanted -kicks the Raiders' asses. An unbelievable 311 yards and 4 TD passes - in the first half!
• Bin Laden sleeps surrounded by high explosives designed to kill him and shred his body, ensuring he doesn't meet the same humiliating end as former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. My ex-wife did the same thing.
• The Smoking Gun: some new mug shots. Johnny Cash, Andre the Giant, Li'l Kim, and more.
• Porn Titles based on 2003 Movies. Whoa - you should be able to do better than these. Nothing in here to challenge Sperms of Endearment.
• Jacko comforted by Darryl Strawberry. It's always good to know that Darryl is around to provide a sensible, measured approach to the issues. I wonder if Jacko will be calling Rodman for any advice.
• Remember Sea Monkeys, X-Ray Specs ? "Harold von Braunhut, who used comic-book advertisements to sell whimsical mail-order inventions like Amazing Sea Monkeys (tiny shrimp that pop to life when water is added) has died." This was one nutty guy. I wonder if they will be able to bring him back to life by adding water.
• A Tribute to Jennifer Connelly. Lots of free pictures, videos ... etc.
• Hugh Grant attacked by hookers in Bangkok.
• Here is a rare trailer from the original MATRIX. It was never released until now.
• Movie House looks at Sylvia: "so obsessed with death, it makes Jim Morrison seem as life-affirming as Zorba the Greek."
• A free collection of short Webcam movies
• The trailer for Catch That Kid is now online.
• More People in 20’s and 30’s living with their parents.
• The P.U.-Litzer Prizes for 2003: the stinkiest media performances of the year.
• Fantasy Festival in Key West 2003. Some great body painting.
• Judge OKs Magazine Excerpt of Eminem Song: "A federal judge on Monday allowed a hip-hop magazine to publish CDs containing limited excerpts of a previously unreleased recording by rapper Eminem that includes racially charged lyrics like 'black girls are dumb.' " The question for the day: how dumb would any girl have to be - white or black or other - for Eminem to notice? Hell, he still doesn't know why everyone thought Forrest Gump was so dumb.
• After a full lifetime in which he once partied with Hannibal, Hugh Hefner can still spank the monkey. He calls his monkey "Pinky" except after Viagra, when he promotes it to "Pointer".
• Sonny Corleone tries a TV series. In an amazing turnaround, he plays a lonely toll collector in "Toll Booths". Or not.
• Limbaugh lawyer discussing plea bargain. He is willing to plead guilty to being a noble American in response for an admission that the prosecutor is part of the vast left-wing conspiracy.
• White Stripes Singer Charged after a fight with the lead singer of a rival band. He was charged with (1) assault (2) excessive viewing of A Clockwork Orange.
• Inquiry Suggests Pakistanis Sold Nuclear Secrets to axis of evil. Blatant lies! Technically, they didn't sell them. Nuclear secrets were offered free with every Big Gulp.
• UW-Madison Professor Emeritus John Magnuson predicts that summers in Wisconsin will be an average of 18 degrees Fahrenheit warmer than they are now. Geez! Maybe Wal-Mart will even sell shorts there, ain't it? Wisconsinites immediately joined Norwegians in the global coalition in favor of warming.
• Another important scientific treatise: Words used by children and their primary caregivers for private body parts and functions .
• I think we've all been waiting for this. Knight Rider: The Movie!
• Former NBA star Dennis Rodman has signed a contract to play with the Long Beach Jam of the American Basketball Association
• Idiot breaks into glue factory to get high - ends up stuck to floor! (Weekly World News)
• Orioles agree to terms with catcher Lopez. They have also acquired Tejada, and are trying to get Guerrero.
• Totally Busted: Are My Boobs Crooked? Kind of an r-rated Candid Camera.
• DVD Jon acquitted on all counts
• A lot has happened since the Detroit Lions won a road game (Dec. 17, 2000)
• The good news - ? A photographer caught the Mouseketeer sunbathing naked. The bad news? (1) she saw him (2) he had the wrong angle
• Here's the trailer for Bertolucci's new movie - The Dreamers
• SurfShot.com - Bikini of the Day
• Commit a crime? Perform a Citizen's Self-Arrest and collect the reward.
• Seeing Eye Monkeys. For blind people who are really agile. I'm just fuckin' witcha. It's a story about using trained monkeys to assist the handicapped.
• In technical terms, scientists conclude that poor people are "Pretty Much Fucked"
• Here's the trailer for The Big Bounce (Comedy starring Owen Wilson, Morgan Freeman, Gary Sinese, Charlie Sheen)
• You may now view the full-screen trailer from THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK.
• Nation's Retailers Have Glum Weekend, and are not thrilled about the orange alert.
• Howard Dean appealed to fellow Democratic presidential candidates Saturday to stop the bitter attack politics that have come to dominate the race for the party's nomination. Kerry's response: "fuckin' pussy"
• The Bible According to Cheese: "Or, A Brie History of Time"
• Dark Horizons: The WORST Films of 2003
• The latest James Bond rumor- Ewan McGregor
• Pepsi Pinball. Quite an entertaining online pinball game
• Santa's elves laid off. To compete with Wal-Mart, Santa now farms his work out to Asian sweatshops
• Fishermen Dress Lobster As Barbie. After 30 beers, Colin Farrell mistakes it for a real woman. And likes it!
• Aircraft carrier (decommissioned) for sale ! Come up with eight million bucks, and you have yourself a personal aircraft carrier. That should overshadow your neighbors with their snooty but wimpy yachts. I smell a summer comedy here. Anyone know Rodney Dangerfield's phone number?
• 10 ADS AMERICA WON'T SEE
• A Dutchman wants to sail to the US in a full scale replica of a Viking ship made out of millions of lollipop sticks.
• City of Cologne introduces sex tax
• Chief vegetable tester says his colleagues won't sit near him because he's currently eating five kilos of Brussels sprouts a week.
• The new math - feh. Now the new alphabet - that I could get into.
• Oscar-Winner Crowe Becomes Father for First Time
• Fans of Quirky 'Far Side' Snap Up Comic Compendium 1250 pages - $130 - and still a pretty good seller.

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Samantha Morton, the co-star of "Minority Report" topless in the tub.

• Kathleen McDermott, also topless.

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

• Courtney Peldon (1, 2, 3, 4)

"Phoenix Blue"
Plenty of pokies by Emily Hamilton in Phoenix Blue and some sex appeal shown by a skinny Amanda Donohoe.

• Emily Hamilton (1, 2, 3)
• Amanda Donohoe (1, 2)

"Betrayal of Trust"
Judith Light of "Who's the Boss" fame is down to her underwear in the TV movie Betrayal of Trust.

• Judith Light (1, 2)

"The Anniversary"
It's a similar case for Elaine Taylor in The Anniversary.

• Elaine Taylor

"Talk to Me"
Once again, this time it's Teri Drennan in Talk to Me as she steps out of her Little Bo Peep costume.

• Teri Drennan (1, 2)

"Snipes"
Some brief see-though breast by Tiffany Jackson, who plays a stripper in Snipes.

• Tiffany Jackson

"Abandoned"
Some topless caps of Létay Dóra in Abandoned.

• Létay Dóra

"Victim of the Haunt"
Some out-of-focus topless caps of what is supposed to be Sharon Lawrence in Victim of the Haunt.

• Sharon Lawrence

"Pet Sematary II"
Some topless caps of Darlanne Fluegel in Pet Sematary II, although it's almost certainly a body double.

• Darlanne Fluegel

"Affair of the Necklace"
There may be a bit of bush by Hilary Swank in Affair of the Necklace but not a lot else. Some other actresses who I couldn't identify are topless.

• Hilary Swank (1, 2, 3)
• Unknown

"Russkies"
Some pokies and an upskirt by Susan Walters in Russkies.

• Susan Walters (1, 2)

"The Scoundrel's Wife"
Finishing off where we started but 20 years later, we have Tatum O'Neal in The Scoundrel's Wife. No visible nudity but just some side views of Tatum and Lacey Chabert.

• Tatum O'Neal
• Lacey Chabert (1, 2)

Yup, here ya go...

• Jenna von O˙ (1, 2)

Speaking of Maxim...another reader was hoping for some pics of pop singer Michelle Branch from her recent, and barely dressed appearance.

• Michelle Branch (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

HONEYMOON IN SPACE
A Honey Moon - The Russian space agency and the US firm Space Adventures are proposing to offer newlyweds a unique honeymoon package: a 10-day trip to the International Space Station for two for $40 million. The couple would have to undergo a thorough background and health check and complete 8-to-10 months of training. They did not specify whether the honeymooners would be allowed to have sex in space.