Transamerica (2005)

Felicity Huffman plays Bree, a pre-op transsexual who receives some shocking news a week before his ... er .. her surgery: he fathered a son nearly two decades earlier. The son is in a New York jail for male hustling, and his mother is dead. Something about the situation brings out the parental instincts in Bree. She bails the boy out of jail and takes him on a road trip across America, stopping to visit the boy's step-father and then the boy's grandparents.

The major comic complication is that Bree never tells his/her son about their biological relationship. The charade goes on for the first 2/3 of the film or more, and it works fairly well until the boy makes a pass at him/her.

Talk about a dysfunctional family!

It's a real oddball of a movie. It's essentially a warm-hearted sitcom at its core, except that the family's problems are XXX rated. And you know what? It works pretty well. It pulls in a few laughs without forcing it too much, and it generates a few tender moments along the way. It succeeds because it doesn't violate its own premise. Although the set-up is quite wild, as I described above, the execution sticks to a reasonable portrayal of how real people would deal with that somewhat surreal situation. And they are not only real people, but decent human beings. The boy may be a male hustler who has a screwed-up life, but that doesn't keep him from having the same feelings that you or I would have in the situations he has to face.

The plot description makes Transamerica sound like a depraved black comedy, but its really not. The film has a genuine Midwestern Christian sweetness to it. But I don't recommend taking grandma. It may be rated R, but it's NC-17 at heart: full frontal nudity from two males and a female, and a constant stream of male hustling and gay porno acts performed barely off camera.

I suppose it will never find an audience, but it isn't a bad watch at all.

Felicity Huffman (the frontal nudity is in yesterday's page)

The Constant Gardener (2005)

As much as this film irritated me with its naive politics, it impressed me with its skillful manipulation of characters and moods. It is not possible to watch this film without feeling emotionally drawn into the problems and rhythms of Africa - the disease, the overcrowding in the cities, the lack of arable land in the vast unpopulated interior, the poverty, the lack of progress, the corruption, the music, the faces of the children. The director doesn't really editorialize about the conditions. He just shows them. Accurately. That is enough.

Even more important than the effective use of Africa as a character in the film is the simple love story. In essence, The Constant Gardener is about a man who falls in love with a dead woman, one who was already his hastily-wed wife. I'm oversimplifying to avoid spoiling the denouement of the film, but that is the essence of it. Yes, I'm aware that this film has not been marketed as a love story, but that is what it does best. As The San Francisco Chronicle pointed out so eloquently, "It's a love story only in passing. And yet the love story is what lingers in the mind and gives energy and meaning to everything that happens on-screen." The conspiracy-based thriller has some great moments, but is generally boring, uses too many hackneyed devices (supernatural feats of hacking skill, and the presence of so many convenient incriminating letters that they must grow free in the salt flats), and involves too many minor characters to hold one's complete interest. Two things did stick in my mind: the film's compassion for the poor of Africa, and its limning of a rich and involving love story. Ralph Fiennes plays an apolitical, mild-mannered, junior British diplomat in Africa; Rachel Weisz plays his strident activist wife, a loose cannon who dies a few minutes into the story. He is obsessed by her death and haunted by her memory. As he starts to dig into the circumstances surrounding her murder, he suspects at first that he was her pawn, a convenient lover used as a free ticket to Africa. He seems to uncover painful evidence of her infidelities and a secret life she lived behind his back. He can't believe that he brought this secretive and totally undiplomatic woman into his life as a diplomat, thus hurting his career as well as his psyche. Yet he cannot turn away from the investigation and, as he is drawn deeper into his wife's web of intrigue, he finds that things are not what they seemed at first or even second glance.

This script was an excellent vehicle for Ralph Fiennes to show the power that a good actor can generate from a fundamentally undramatic part. This is no Richard Harris role. Fiennes spends no time making quiet speeches to his unborn child or waving his sword at the heavens while cursing God. Fiennes plays an inoffensive man who's really into plants. Despite a smaller-than-life role, he manages to create a lot of emotional power from that shaky old generator. As the script progresses, the Fiennes character acquires an important legacy from his departed wife - the conscience and backbone he had lacked - and this development enables the actor to show the character's growth, not in big broad showy strokes, but in subtle nuances. The best thing an actor can do is to bring the audience right into the heart of the character, and that's exactly what Fiennes did here. He even smiled a couple of times! (Although, it must be admitted, those smiles instantly transformed his handsome face into the visage of a deranged mass murderer. I can see why he hasn't tried it very often in the past.)

This is a good movie but, in my opinion, the critics were unduly impressed. Yahoo voters (B) and IMDb voters (7.6) seem to have it pegged more accurately. It is not a masterpiece worthy of Best Picture honors, as some have suggested. Those sentiments must have resulted from the drought of good films in the first half of 2005, like an awe-filled reaction to ordinary tepid water from a man dying of thirst. It is, however, a memorable film which leaves behind some indelible images.

Rachel Weisz

Best nude scene nominees

Again, don't write me to tell me I missed a stray nipple somewhere, but DO write if my list does not include the one film you would vote for as the best nude scene of the year.

Other Crap:

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

"The True Story of Eskimo Nell"

The True Story of Eskimo Nell (1975) is an Australian sexploitation film based on a dirty poem called the Ballad of Eskimo Nell. Obviosly, this poem was way to obscene to bring to the silver screen in the mid 70s in Australia, but they retained the character names, and something of the spirit of the poem. The unlikely duo of Mexican Pete the cocksman, and Deadeye Dick the inept become mates, and adventure their way to see Eskimo Nell, whom Deadeye Dick is sure is the best lay and the most beautiful woman ever.

The intent was to create a cowboy film in the tradition of Blazing Saddles based on the poem, taking advantage of the new R rating in Australia, which finally allowed nudity in cinema. It is uneven at best, but does feature nudity from four women. Abigail does full frontal, as do Paddy Madden and Elli Maclure. Kris McQuaid and Victoria Anoux show breasts.

Eight people have this at 3.8 at IMDb. It did not age well. At the time, it was risque enough, and the source material was well enough known, that it would have been worth the admission price. By today's standards, it is rather silly, with more fart jokes than nudity or sex. It is currently only available on Reqion 4 DVD. This is a D+.

Abigail Elli Maclure Kris McQuade Paddy Madden Victoria Anoux

DEAD PRESIDENT DOLLAR COINS
Bush's Favorite: Benjamin Franklin - Thursday, President Bush signed a law to create dollar coins featuring all 37 of America's dead presidents. The Treasury hopes to make a lot of money from coin collectors, and they also hope it boosts the popularity of the Sacagawea dollar, which hardly anyone wants.

* I didn't even know Sacagawea had been president!
* The only people who'd take that are the poor saps trying to get rid of their Susan B. Anthony dollars.
* The Garfield dollar will be snapped up by confused comic strip fans.

CHRISTMAS TREE MORE IMPORTANT THAN FAMILY
I Say "Egg Nog," To Survive The Relatives - In Germany, birthplace of many Christmas traditions, a Focus magazine poll asked what is the most essential ingredient for a good Christmas. More people chose their tree than their relatives. 75 percent said they couldn't imagine Christmas without their tree, but only 65 percent said spending time with relatives was essential. 57 percent said they couldn't do without carols, 42 percent said Christmas requires gifts, and 3 percent of Germans said they'd just like to skip the whole thing.

* Their Christmas tree is more important than their family tree, and far more attractive.
* 35 percent said NOT spending time with their relatives was essential to having a good Christmas.
* For Al Gore, being with his tree and being with his relatives are the same thing.

HANGING DEAD CARIBOU NOT SANTA'S REINDEER
I Blame Drunken Frat Boys - A businessman in Moravia, New York, went hunting with some buddies in Quebec and bagged 10 caribou. Before processing them for meat, he hung them up outside his business. But children at a nearby elementary school had to be reassured after they became terrified by a rumor that the dead caribou were Santa's reindeer who'd been shot by hunters. The rumor is believed to have been started by older kids.

* That sounds like a safe bet.
* They better watch out.
* One was an easy target, thanks to his glowing red nose.
* They haven't shot Santa's reindeer...Not yet, anyway. But they are building deer blinds on their roofs.