I wish all of you and your families the best in this holiday season and the coming year.
-Tuna

Long Jeanne Silver (1977) in an Alex de Renzy effort completely capitalizing on his star, Jeanne Silver. She was born with a deformed foot, and had it amputated as a baby. After becoming popular in burlesque and in magazine spreads, de Renzy turned her into a porn actress, demonstrating just what she could get into with her stump. She does a three way with Amber Hunt and Paul Thomas, sodomizes a gay guy, seduces two coeds, etc.

This can reasonably claim to be one of the strangest hard core films of the 70s. The transfer was made from a scratched print, but is not terrible. It has little plot, instead using more or less a documentary style. Silver has no acting ability, and a rather irritating voice, so it was probably a wise decision. It is nearly non-stop stump sex, and, in spite of her handicap, she exudes sexuality. The images include shots from her magazine spreads contained in the special features. Thisis indeed a 70s porn classic,a dn is a good enough transfer, C+.

Merry Christmas

Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, I wish you and your loved ones (whether they be human or inflatable) lots of happiness over the holidays. As the song says, don't worry, be happy. And if that family warmth starts to suffocate you, well, we're here for you with naked chicks and other naughtiness.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004):

This is a terrific movie on its own terms, but I need to tell you what it is not.

The marketing campaign is quite misleading, because it is based on three or four scenes which are quirky-funny in a deadpan way. There are some very funny things in the film, but the tone of the clips is totally misleading. It ain't filled with yuks.

So if it isn't a comedy, you're thinking, what is it?

I didn't say it isn't a comedy. It is. It's just that it's a comedy about sadness, about the death of loved ones, about violence, about forgiveness, about losing what we once were and the dreams we once followed. Those things, as a rule, are not funny matters unless they are addressed by Mel Brooks, but this is not a balls-to-the-wall, soft hearted, "anything for a laugh" Brooksian comedy. Not even close. The Life Aquatic derives its humor from a bittersweet sense of the odd - treating extraordinarily occurrences with an odd mix of understated wonderment and blasé acceptance. A giant jaguar shark? A boatload of pirates? A long-lost son? All in a day's work for Team Zissou, the Bizarro-world version of Team Cousteau.

The pirate attack on the Belafonte (their version of the Calypso, get it?) is a good example of how this film plays with tone shifts. That episode is not played out the way Mel Brooks might do it, by comical corsairs who pull off an operation in such a way that we know nobody will be hurt for real. Not at all. These are real pirates, violent and heavily armed men with nothing to lose. When the Zissou crew is being tied up and threatened, the tone of the film switches to that of a legitimate thriller, and we fear for the lives of our main characters, as we do in many incidents throughout the movie. Indeed, in the course of the film, Zissou (Bill Murray) loses his best friend and his son. Well, maybe it's his son. Or not.

This is a peculiar and sometimes grotesque movie. A comedy about tragedy. Imagine Hamlet turned into a dark comedy and told from the POV of Hamlet's father's ghost, and you'll start to get the idea. It is also totally lacking in energy. Just about everyone in the film delivers lines in a laid-back, world-weary way that makes it seem like they are sleepwalking. I think that is a deliberate matter of style.

Originality is the ultimate hallmark of genius, the one thing that separates true geniuses from highly competent mortals. Steven Spielberg, for example, is a highly competent director, but no genius. He blazes no new trails. He simply does things much BETTER than others have done them before. Writer/director Wes Anderson, on the other hand, does things others would never think of. In a world of syncopation, sequels, and copycats, Wes marches to ... I was going to say a different drummer, and the drummer part may be right, but Wes doesn't march. When the band is playing Sousa, Wes is waltzing to Strauss.

I think that's a good thing.

Despite a slow build, it also packs a strong emotional punch. It's one of those sucker punches that just sneaks up on you when you aren't looking, and doesn't tell you it's coming - like the punches thrown by Steve Zissou himself.

Yup, if it is a comedy, it sure is a tragic one. And if it is a tragedy, it sure is a funny one.

It's one of those where you won't really be sure whether you liked it or not, but it's absolutely worth a watch for those of you who are sick of the usual recycled shit and seek something far from the beaten path.

• Robyn Cohen

Other Crap:

• Was Einstein a plagiarist?
• Six clips from Michael Keaton's new supernatural thriller, White Noise
• Meet the Fockers opens big, with a $12 million Wednesday. That was about as much as #2 -#8 added together. The other pleasant surprise was (again) The Polar Express, which was the only carryover film to go UP on the day Fockers opened. Fockers only gets a limited window of opportunity to dominate completely, because five other new releases will open or expand over the weekend. (Fat Albert 2600 theaters, The Aviator 1800, Darkness 1700, Life Aquatic 1100, Phantom of the Opera 600)
• J-Lo's new album cover.
• Rats! The perfect stocking stuffer
• Whales suffer from the bends!
• Motorcyclist pleads guilty to going 205 MPH in a vehicle physically incapable of exceeding 159! He could not afford to be found guilty, which carried 90 days of jail time and a $1000 fine, so he plea bargained his sentence and pled guilty to doing the impossible in return for community service.
• The trailer for Michael Schorr's new film, Schultze Gets the Blues "Schultze is an accordion player and newly unemployed. When the local music club celebrates its 50th anniversary, his musical taste changes unexpectedly."

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS

Sole Nudo (1984)  - day 1

• Tania Alves #1 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
• Tania Alves #2 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
• Tania Alves #3 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
• Tania Alves #4 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)

Today I unwrapped my present from the Ghost and guess what I found....two Skinemax legends. Here are Gabriella Hall and Shauna O'Brien in scenes from "The Seductress" (2000).

• Thumbnails (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Gabriella Hall, topless in all of these except #32. You get a nice variety of pseudo sex scenes plus a shower scene. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)

• Gabriella Hall zipped .wmvs. In clip #1 and 2 she's in the shower and shows about 98% of her bod. #4 has brief frontal nudity. 5-10 feature the nekkid body painting/sex scene 'capped above. 11-15 are from two more pseudo-sex scenes. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

  
  

• Thumbnails (1, 2, 3)
• Former Pet Shauna O'Brien shows off her silly-cones, wears several wigs, gets it on a few times, and shows her bum in #5 and pubes in links 8 and 10. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

• Shauna O'Brien zipped .wmvs. Robo-boobs everywhere, plus a triple B play in #2, frontal views in #4 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

Happy Holidays to everyone in the Fun House!

For the holiday, today we have a little "Hankster Light".

First up is one of my favorites, Barbara Alyn Woods, as we go back to 1992 to see Barbara showing some skin in the series "Eden".

• Barbara Alyn Woods (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Next, let's take another trip back to the newsstand of days gone by and have a look at a few "Damsels in Peril" on the covers of those long gone Men's Adventure Magazines.

• 'Damsels in Peril' (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

THE LAST TIME WE'LL SEE PARIS
Paris Is Boring - New York Daily News gossip columnist Lloyd Grove has resolved to never again mention Paris Hilton. He says she's a "rich, witless party girl" with no "discernible talent, education, scruples, manners or underpants;" she's selfish, racist, snobbish, a bad tipper and a hypocrite (she "wrote" a book she's never read, posed for a "Vote Or Die" poster and isn't registered, and claimed to be modest and uninterested in sex while making $400,000 from a porn tape.) The fed-up Grove said he'll mention her again if she discovers a cure for cancer, wins the Nobel Peace Prize, launches herself into outer space, or gets her high school diploma.