Sex and the City: Season 4 -- This catches me up with the series. Season three seemed to be the high point as far as nudity. Most of the exposure this season is from Kim Cattrall, with exposure in episodes 2, 5 9, 13 and 16, and major, but fake, pokies in episode 6. Kristin Davis showed breasts from the side in episode 5, and her character showed buns in episode 12. Guest star Sonja Braga, as Kim Cattrall's lesbian lover, shows breasts in episode 5, and an unknown shows breasts and bush in episode 18.

I watched a few of the episodes all the way through, and then, out of sheer boredom, mostly fast-forwarded. The series by this fourth year had degraded to complete soap plot, the characters have become caricatures of themselves, and the writing has lost a good deal of its wit and originality. I have to give this season a C-, and, with that, I am caught up on Sex and the City.

The Order (2003):

According to the Rotten Tomatoes site, this was one of the ten worst-reviewed wide releases of 2003 (forty or more reviews). That places it in some very impressive company.

Worst: House of the Dead. 5% positive reviews. (Hey, it stars Jurgen Prochnow, what can you expect? As I have written in the past, his face on a DVD box has the same meaning as a cow skull next to a water hole.)

#2: Boat Trip. 6%.

#3 (tie): Gigli, My Boss's Daughter, Marci X. 7%

#6 (tie): The Order, Kangaroo Jack. 8%

#8 (tie): From Justin to Kelly, A Man Apart. 9%

 I didn't like it any more than anyone else did (although I have to give a tip of the hat to cinematographer Nicola Pecorini, who gave it a good and appropriate look). I wrote extensive notes here.

• Shannyn Sassamon

Anything Else (2003)

Anything Else is Woody Allen's latest effort, his attempt to pass the torch to a new generation of Manhattan neurotics. In fact, it is very similar to Annie Hall in many ways, except that this time the Woodman has promoted himself to the position of Neurotic Emeritus, and has passed the official role of Leading Romantic Nebbish to Jason Biggs, the kid from the American Pie movies.

There is one other difference between this and the earlier film. Annie Hall kept us wondering whether Woody and his neurotic New York princess would end up as a couple. If I remember right, we wondered the same thing about the real-life Woody and his co-star Diane Keaton at the time. It was a real romantic comedy, albeit an eccentric one with a different kind of ending from the one we are accustomed to in such movies. In this film, however, it is clear that the princess is just screwing Our Hero over - cheating on him with a variety of lovers while using him to provide room and board for her mother. That is an important distinction between the dynamics of the two films, because in Annie Hall we not only wonder whether they will make it, but we secretly root for them, because Annie is a nice person at her core, even if she is high-maintenance.

Neither is the romantic male lead in this film as likeable as former Allen characters. In this film, we want to reach through the screen, grab him by the collar, and tell him that there are about a million eligible women in the New York area, about a third of whom would love to have him as their lover and would bring him more peace of mind than his existing relationship. In fact, we lose respect for Our Hero when he dumps just such a "nice girl" at the beginning of the film. He lies to her and essentially throws her out in the cold so that he can take up in a doomed relationship with his manipulative and troubled - but sexy - Christina Ricci, under the pretext of "love at first sight". That action strips away our sympathy for him, turning him from a nebbish into a manipulator, and the Ricci character is far more manipulative,  to a point where she is completely unsympathetic. So why do we care if they ever get together? In fact, we just want to tell him to stop being an asshole to nice people who care for him, and to dump this silly bitch before she ruins his life. The dramatic arc of the film centers around how long it will take for the couple to agree to a break-up, and which of them will instigate it.

Distilling the film to its essence, the audience is left watching two unsympathetic characters break up inevitably. That isn't much to hang a film on, is it? It probably wouldn't work at all except that Jason Biggs manages to borrow heavily against his substantial personal "everyman" reserve to evoke our sympathy, so we have some identification with him even after he lies to and mistreats the nice girl who cares for him.

Apart from that change in the nature of the hero and heroine, you could call Anything Else an update of Annie Hall. Enjoy the walks through Central Park and the Village, drop in to the favorite spots of the New Yorker set, listen to some of Woody's charmingly paranoid dialogue with old-time jazz accompaniment, and then forget the film thirty minutes after it ends.

I like Woody Allen's movies as pleasant time-killers, and this one is one of the best of the last decade, but I don't look forward to the next Woody Allen movie, my friends no longer discuss what he's working on next, and we greet the arrival of a new project with yawns.

I might never even have noticed this film at all if it had been directed by anyone else. While providing light entertainment, it is also repetitive, and completely lacking in daring. It wasn't noticed by many other people even with Woody's name attached, maxxing out at less than four million at the box office.

• Christina Ricci. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) She wasn't nude, but this t-shirt and panties scene was mighty sexy!

OTHER CRAP:

• Last week, a Florida man sold the rights to "men.com" for $1.3 million, a healthy profit over the $15,000 he paid for it in 1997.
• Bunkhouse.com picks the best smut of 2003
• Newest free release of Slim Browser: Tabbed web browser with popup killer
• yourDictionary.com picks the Top Ten Words of 2003. "Embedded" was the word of the year. The article includes various other 2003 lists for lovers of etymology. (What, for example, is the most frequently spoken word on the planet?)
• The trailer for SpongeBob SquarePants is now online.
• In 2003, fact outshone fiction at the cinema
• The latest Photoshop contest: "Show the evidence that mad cow disease has already affected many politicians and celebrities."
• If you dig deep enough, everyone has a reason to be miserable at Christmas.
• How much is Carl Perkins' Wig worth?
• Reindeer Blitzen Attacks NBC Reporter in Santa's House. (With photo!)
• Ass Gallery. Not the extremist politician type, but the Stephanie Seymour's rear type.
• Help Save Steven Seagal's Soul from Satan. Or vice-versa.
• 10 technologies to watch in 2004.
• The teaser/trailer for Strange Bedfellows is now online.

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Meg Ryan, great topless scenes from her new movie "In the Cut".

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

Hefmates. More Hefmates. Wonder if I will ever get like Cartman did with pie...."no....more....Hefmates"

Running home to mama, we return to DVD caps today after yesterday'ss little jaunt into VHS-land.

First up is a find of which I am most happy. Summer Altice in chromiumblue.com (2003). The DVD is basically the pilot of the Showtime series, directed by Zalman King. With his name on the credits you can be sure of some serious nekkidness. And there is, but most of the B's on this DVD were of little known or uncredited babes.

Summer is the exception. Miss August 2000 is a very popular model and a fairly active actress (who can down-right seriously act). In the series she plays a kick-ass, ass-kicking employee of a very rich dude. She has a topless scene in the DVD, of which I capped every damn frame. Terrific looking woman. Since this is or was a series I am hoping for two things: 1) that more DVDs will be released; 2) that Summer is nekkid a lot more often in them.

• Summer Altice (1, 2, 3, 4)

Next up are caps from three Victoria Silvstedt movies. I know the hooties are not a carbon-based life form and... yes, she is exposed very often, but I cannot help myself. The woman goes directly to my limbic system.

The caps include a nipslip in BASEketball, some isolated frames of toplessness in Out Cold and then some full-on toplessness in Boardheads.

• Victoria Silvstedt in "BASEketball" (1, 2)

• Victoria Silvstedt in "Out Cold" (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

• Victoria Silvstedt in "Boardheads" (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Also from Boardheads is former Hefmate of the Year, Brande Roderick. She is fully clothed but is showing how easily she can suck a tennis ball through a garden hose. And also from BASEketball is another former Heffer of the Year, Jenny McCarthy and her cleavage.

• Brande Roderick in "Boardheads".

• Jenny McCarthy in "BASEketball".

Last up is Hefmate of the month for April 1997 and former Baywatch babe, Kelly Monaco, in Idle Hands. Kelly gets topless and then gets groped, first by her boyfriend's hands and then by a disembodied, demon-possessed hand. The same hand had previously grabbed Jessica Alba's bum. Now that is a self-driven body part with some major-league good taste in women.

• Kelly Monaco in "Idle Hands" (1, 2, 3, 4)

Various Simandl czech mates from his earlier movies the past few years.

• Katerina Vesela: topless in "Forbidden Rage".
• Jana Melichar: topless in "Forbidden Rage".
• Zuzana Jinan: topless in "Forbidden Rage".
• Marcela Hodna: face shot only in "Forbidden Rage".
• Helena Heiduk: sexy bikini in "Killer Love".
• Daniela Krhut: rare full frontal in "Deadly Engagement". One of Simandl’s leading femme fatales, she's best known for her role as ranting woman in the Children of Dune minseries.
• Marketa Rosak: topless in "Deadly Engagement".
• Marketa Rosak: topless in "Chained Rage".
• Katerina Cermak: playing lesbian arab wife in "Deadly Engagement" (she's not nude but she did take off her veil).
• Alena Sibil: nude lesbian love scene in "Deadly Engagement".
• Alena Sibil: topless as love slave in "Forbidden Rage".
• Magda Nemec: topless and buns in "Killer Love".
• Jana Mrazkova: sexy in the first "Medieval Fleshpots". Her character was killed off early which is a shame because Jana is one of the internet's hottest nude models from the Czech Republic. And this is her only known video appearance which is another big shame.

The collages are from the Unrated version of the DVD, which contains 11 extra minutes.