Chasing Sleep (2000) is a horror thriller covered by Scoopy some time ago. It is shot from the POV of a man severely disturbed, and it is not always obvious what is real and what is his dementia. He is a once popular college English professor in a bad marriage, and with serious insomnia. We quickly learn that his wife has not returned from work, and that he is concerned. He eventually files a missing persons report. Prime suspect quickly becomes a gym instructor who was having an affair with his wife.

We never really know, conclusively, what happened. For those who may yet watch this, I will stop here, but for those curious about the rest of the story, http://www.scoopy.com/chasingsleep.htm Scoopy's review goes into much more detail.

IMDB readers currently have this at 6.4. The film was very slow paced and took place entirely in the professors apartment, They did an excellent job of maintaining the POV and the tension, partially by making it difficult to form conclusions about what is real and what isn't. One thing is for certain, Emily Bergl, as one of his students, shows a lovely pair of breasts in an abortive sex scene with the professor. This was not really my kind of film, yet it will be in my mind for a while, which is testament to its effectiveness. C+

TomKru

I thought the Beastmaster DVD was excellent for two reasons - (1) an excellent transfer of the movie, and (2) the stuff that Tom Kru capped here - extra Tanya Rpberts nudity never seen before this DVD came out! Tom Kru wishes everyone a Happy New Year from his undisclosed location.

• Roberts (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

A new imager

If I am reading his logo correctly, he will be known as "daimon hard". Excellent choice of subjects: Jessica Alba, seen here in The Sleeping Dictionary. (Unfortunately, the breasts were provided by a double, but Alba looked ... well, the way she always looks, which is about as good as anyone on the planet.)

• Alba (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

OTHER CRAP:

• The Smoking Gun: Scariest Mug Shot Ever
• Hawks tell Bush how to win war on terror. The enemies: Iran, Syria, North Korea, Saudi Arabia, and France. I knew those French guys carried around too many Almanacs!
• FreakingNews.com - Photoshop Contests - How to Store Nuclear Waste.
• Faux Teenage Lesbian Pop Singer Update: "Tatu are running against Vladimir Putin in a bid to become joint presidents of Russia."
• Legendary Broadway spark re-ignitedNathan Lane and Matthew Broderick, the original stars of 'The Producers,' returned Tuesday night to the Mel Brooks musical.
• Katie Holmes and Chris Klein are engaged.
• British Prime Minister Tony Blair agreed to appear in the hit US cartoon 'The Simpsons' only after its makers dropped plans to have him star alongside a dog he feared would portray him as 'America's poodle',
• Director Jonathan Mostow (t3) will helm a Paramount remake of the 1966 John Frankenheimer film Seconds.
• Harry of Ain't It Cool News picks his annual Top 10.
• Weekly World News: "Consumption of bat meat will soon be banned in the United States."
• 96 rock - atlanta's rock station - thong of the day
• The trailers for Hidalgo are on line. ROTK's Viggo Mortensen stars in a film "based on a true story" about the greatest long-distance horse race in history.
• Tom's Hardware Guide looks at just about every graphics card in existence.
• Searching for answers? Disappointed with every solution from Socrates to Shinto to Scientology? Try the way of the Jedi. Note: these people seem to be completely serious.
• Keith Moon the Loon' tops poll as rock's most excessive rogue. "With stories of Rolls-Royces in swimming pools and televisions lobbed from hotel windows, not to forget the wrecked drum kits, Keith Moon was always seen as the ultimate wild man of rock and roll. But now it's confirmed: the Who's former drummer, dead at just 31 after a life of hell-raising, has topped the list of the 100 Most Insane Moments in Rock, compiled by Q magazine.
• J-Lo's plumbers' crack. This is not pretty.
• Bookies betting on Bennifer divorce in 2004: "Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez aren't even married yet, and bookies are already setting odds on their divorce. "
• Sixth Harry Potter book to be X-rated???
• Of the 20,000 or so sayings submitted for consideration as Pennsylvania's official tourism slogan, some were easily eliminated, like 'Pennsylvania: We're old. We're cranky. Deal with it.' " 18 others are still in the running.
• "The Cousin of Bruce Lee". This man has some moves!
• More rockers get Royal Honors in U.K.
• Film Beauty Charlize Theron Becomes Monster in Film
• BadJocks.com picks the Top Ten Stories of 2003
• How exactly did Rudy Giulani get knighted? Yo, t'anks fer dat, yer fuckin' majesty. Sorry to report that he is not Sir Rudy. "Foreign nationals can be knighted, but they are not allowed to use the title "Sir" or "Dame" before their names (sorry, Rudy), although they can add "KBE" after their names."
• NRO Symposium on 2004 Predictions on National Review Online. My favorite: naked mouseketeer!
• Which movie critics are most useful for predicting award winners?
• Louisiana leads U.S. in gonorrhea cases. We're number one! We're number one. If only we could GO number one without pain.
• Ex-Pro Wrestler Dirty Dick Slater Arrested in Stabbing.
• Satellite Image of Bam, Iran after the Earthquake
• Lieberman to Dean: Worst is yet to come: "If Howard Dean thinks he's getting too much criticism from his Democratic presidential rivals, he should see President Bush's campaign team in action", Joe Lieberman said Monday. John Kerry added, "I'm gonna keep bitch-slappin' that candy-ass mofo".
• The Clintons on Broadway. Hey, Bill wanted to see Oh, Calcutta, but the girls made him go to some freakin' puppet thing.
• Liberal advocacy group to give award for best Bush-Bashing Ads. The site has hundreds on line (www.bushin30seconds.org), but is not organized in any way, so visitors may see pretty much any one of the gazillion on hand. I registered to be a rater, and watched a couple dozen. I suggest you wait until they've chosen some finalists or something, because I saw a handful that were fair to excellent, and about twenty that were complete shit.
• The Smoking Gun digs up the full story on the Nebraska woman who was cited for posting naked pictures of her taken in a downtown bar. (See two related links below). You'd think Nebraska officials would be using this to promote tourism instead of arresting her.
• Here is a picture of that 1000 pound snake.
• Indiana man sets record for Longest Continuous Bowling. He bowled 270 games in 52 hours. He was congratulated by Indiana's #1 son, Dan Quayle, who said "I never bowled much when I was a kid, but I like it now that the machine figures out the score for you."
• The world of pizza deliveries would appear to offer a number of insights into the working of US society across a wide socio-political spectrum. Did you know that 9% of those who answer the door naked tip 20% or more?
• How can you tell if you have too much free time? A good clue would be that you hope to create a full-length ASCII version of STAR WARS. It's brilliant, in a twisted way.
• The good news? If you buy our product, you may already have won your own business. The bad news? It's a kebab shop in Iraq.
• We're down to the finalists in the Wicked Weasel Bikini Competition
• Movie House reviews Cold Mountain: "Jude Law acted out more passing out in this movie than Iron Mike Sharpe did in his entire winless wrestling career", "The Civil War was the ultimate beauty treatment".
• Box Office Mojo >Updated box office for ROTK. It has already grossed $500 million, and hasn't opened yet in Australia or Japan. And at its 200 minute length, it doesn't get shown as often as a film of normal length.
• How the Grinch Stole Sex Dot Com!
• Hey, here's a guy who actually understood what was going on in Donnie Darko. Unfortunately, now that everything is explained, it's even more confusing.
• Old Mr Gandalf (Ian McKellan) has a great official web site. He is an interesting man as well as a great actor. He just posted his Additional Dialogue Recording Scripts from ROTK.
• Shocking! The Art and Fashion of Elsa Schaparelli
• 70s - The Futuro house. Finnish architect Matti Suuronen designed this UFO shaped dwelling in 1968, initially for use as a ski-cabin or holiday home, and several are still being used. (Pictures)
• French author says 'Finding Nemo' is plagiarism from his work, Pierrot the Clownfish. A prominent Vatican spokesman also commented that the Pope had also written a similar script about a fish who fell into blessed water, called Holy Mackeral.
• Saddam’s Hairstylist Honoured: This line did crack me up: "The hairstylist, an Austrian national by the name of Dieter Vessman, was presented with the prestigious award in a private ceremony at coalition headquarters in Qatar attended by both President Bush and his favourite stuffed animal toy, Fluffy Jim."
• Attorney General John Ashcroft recused himself from the Justice Department's investigation of the unauthorized disclosure of an undercover CIA officer's identity, which will be overseen by a special counsel. First reports said the special counsel will be the team of Neil Bush and Fluffy Jim
• George W. Bush has joined The Hall of Presidents in Walt Disney World. It isn't too realistic, however, since he pronounces all the words correctly in a 90 second speech, although he is carrying Fluffy Jim, and he does refer to the USA as "the bacon of democracy".
• The contents of a Florida police officer's desk: three sticks of Trident, a Blockbuster card, an old holster, a picture of his kids, .... oh, yeah, and $525,000 in cash.
• To quote from Variety's distinctive style: Yahoo! News - NY PIX TIX PASS $10. It now costs $10.25 to check out a flick in the evening in The Apple.
• Jacko Interview on CBS Tops the Ratings.
• The ex-Mouseketeers are now trading insults about each other's careers and personalities. And, amazingly enough, they both seem to be right!
• 'King' has international rivals on the run. ROTK's performance is so strong that international distributors are delaying their other releases to avoid going head-to-head.
• Oops. A company developing security technology for online voting suffered a security breach online.
• Crackle, of famed trio Snap, Crackle, and Pop, dies
• Crank Dot Net: "Crank Dot Net is devoted to presenting Web sites by and about cranks, crankism, crankishness, and crankosity. All cranks, all the time. "
• Simultaneous 4-Day Time Cube. Oh, man, I did one of those back in college, with the salt and the lime, and the whole deal. I swore never to cube time again.
• The Polar Shift Preparedness Site. Be prepared for a cataclysm next summer, one even worse than the summer when Freddy Got Fingered opened.
• You saw the American star hawking Japanese whiskey in Lost in Translation, but which stars have really done something like that? Many. The proof is recorded at Japander.com. Great site. I got completely hooked on it.
• George W. Bush and Hillary Rodham Clinton are finally on the same ticket -- the most admired man and woman in America, according to a poll released Monday. Bush narrowly edged out Pauly Shore (whatever happened to him?), and Hillary had a comfortable edge over her nearest competitor, Courtney Love.
• Schwarzenegger Inspires `Governator' Beer. "I'll be Bock."
• I have to think this would boost attendance at the WNBA.
• World record snake found. According to the asrticle, the snake is 49 feet long (about 15 meters) and weighs about 1000 pounds (447 kilo).
• BFA's Ethnic Cleansing Awards 2003. According to Bob from accounting, the twenty five people most in need of ethnic cleansing.
• Skydivers trust Homer Simpson over President Bush. That whole concept of tandem skydiving with an imaginary character is a bit too odd for me, but I'd rather go with the President than with Hunter Thompson.
• Some odd stuff: free cartoon sex thumbnail galleries and cartoon porn.
• A very strange rant called "Courtney Cox's asshole"
• A very funny video about Motion Capture - 'The Man Behind The Motion'
• Lincoln, Nebraska Woman ticketed for appearing naked on the Internet
• ... and here's the pictures that caused her to get the ticket!
• Alien vs Predator preview from Coming Soon!
• Online Critics Dial Up 'King' for 10 Nominations
• The economy according to eBay

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Today we return to 1984 and continue our ride on the "Malibu Express". This time we take a look at the cute & sexy Lori Sutton who shows off breasts and bum in several scenes.

Hard to figure why she only has 7 screen credits on her resume.

• Lori Sutton (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

10. Human Shields -- These poor deluded do-gooders assumed talents they didn't really have by traveling all the way to Iraq to stop mortar shells with their faces, only to find themselves scorned by Iraqis and ridiculed mercilessly by everyone else in the world. Handy Tip: NEVER volunteer for any job with the words "human shield" in the title.

9. "Joe Millionaire II" -- The first series inexplicably attracted monster ratings, but the heavily-hyped sequel just proved that while bimbos can be fooled twice, TV viewers cannot.

8. France -- French leaders were so certain all Americans were illiterate that they assumed we couldn't read all the nasty things they were saying about us. Their strategic error finally dawned on them when the lack of tourists left Paris waiters standing around sneering at each other, then going home to soak their feet in unsold surplus French wines.

7. Michael Jackson -- Michael is becoming a permanent fixture on our list and no wonder. Even after paying a reported $20 million legal settlement and being hit with nine felony charges, he went on "60 Minutes" to publicly announce his refusal to stop sleeping with children. Apparently, he wants to reserve a place early for our 2004 Loser List.

6. 2003's Stupidest Crook -- It's always tough to choose, with such candidates as the early-bird robber in Salt Lake City who showed up before a bank opened and waited on the sidewalk wearing his mask, or the two Berlin men who robbed a supermarket of its Easter candy and left a trail of chocolate eggs straight to their door. But the loser crown goes to the Minnesota teen who repeatedly tried to wave an off-duty sheriff over to sell him pot, even miming smoking a doobie to get his attention.

5. Gray Davis -- California's ex-governor not only managed to get himself unelected just one year after being reelected, he also made even Arnold Schwarzenegger sound coherent by lauding California's diversity with this baffling declaration: "We have people from every planet on the Earth in this state!" No argument here.

4. Volunteer Jihadists -- As Iraqis cheered American troops, thousands of misguided neighbors streamed across the border to "rescue" them by attacking the world's best-equipped military with sharp sticks. U.S. Brigadier-Gen. John Kelly summed up their success rate with this memorable line: "...Often, they run into our machine guns, and we shoot them down like the morons they are."

3. Bennifer -- Overexposed lovebirds Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez proved that there really is such a thing as too much publicity, as fed-up moviegoers turned "Gigli" into a bigger bomb than anything we've found in Iraq yet.

2. Celebrities With Feet Of Clay -- Bill Bennett's gambling problem, Martha Stewart's creative stock trades, R. Kelly's love of youth, Eminem's colorful opinions of black girls, Kobe Bryant's unique way of showing his wife how much he loved her, ad nauseum. In 2003, there were more celebrity role models exposed as hypocrites than there were pills in Rush Limbaugh's medicine cabinet.

1. Saddam Hussein -- A no-brainer. Saddam started 2003 perched on a gold toilet and ended it by being yanked out of a hole, looking like Tom Hanks at the two-thirds mark of "Castaway." Still, as bad as 2003 was for him, it was better than 2004 promises to be.